Wednesday, November 24, 2010

2 months old, and other things

Sebastian Riley is two months old. Well, technically, 2 months, 5 days, 19 minutes, as I type this. I love that little boy more than life itself.

Weight at birth: 6lbs, 3.4 oz
Weight now: 9lbs, 15 oz
Length at birth: 18.5 in
Length now: 21 in

The Bad:

- Night time sleep. He doesn't like to sleep in his Rock n Play Glider. He likes to sleep with Grandma, and cries until he does.

- He's STILL eating every two hours. 3-4 oz every two hours. That seems like too much.

- He's got a nasty virus. Coughing, sneezing, throw up, and diarrhea. Going on 5 days now.

The Good:

- He's catching up to his developmental milestones. He's holding focus better, getting more control over his arms, and lifting his head during tummy time. He also makes noises and tries to communicate with us.

- Not as much crying and screaming with bath time and diaper changes.

- He has the most beautiful smile in the world.


This past year, or actually, the past five years have been very trying on myself and my family. I moved to Florida, and if any of you remember, that was a train wreck and a half. Annette found me, sent the cops to my house with a message of "call your mother," which should have warned me that I shouldn't get involved. I didn't think, stayed with her for about six months before venturing out on my own in Missouri. Found Rob again, but this time I was grown up, and the magical allure he had for me when I was younger wore off quickly and I realized that I was better off without him. String of bad boyfriends ending with Bryan, the physically and emotionally abusive compulsive liar and cheater. Then I met Chris. My uncle John died. We moved to Ohio. My uncle Bill died. Dad and I got into it, we moved to Virginia with Chris' family. My aunt AnnaMae died. My Dad went into the hospital, was diagnosed with COPD. My brother, Craig, went into the hospital, being diagnosed with diabetes, his glucose levels at almost coma range. I got pregnant. Had a rough pregnancy with diabetes and pregnancy induced hypertension. Went pre-eclamptic. Was hospitalized in preterm labor for four days. Mom had a massive heart attack and almost didn't make it. I had my son 7 weeks early and he spent 19 days in the NICU. We came to Ohio for a visit, decided to stay for a while to help Mom out. Chris's hallucinations picked up. He had a seizure. Spent four days in OSU. They did nothing. Sprinkle that with the economy bring crap and us being in between jobs throughout most of this time and the drama that comes from knowing Annette Knecht, Jennifer Knecht, Alyson Strecker, Bryan Noel, and Rob Fredericksen. Yeah, it's been a fantastic five years for me and mine. *eye roll*

But, that being said, we're about due for a turn around. And while I am generally the most pessimistic person you will meet, I am trying to be optimistic right now. We qualified for state aid. And yes, I feel horrible accepting it. But I figure, I've been working since I was 14, I've paid my taxes. And we will be on it only as long as it is needed. I am not going to sit here and accept the cash aid and foodstamps and NOT look for a job. I am still actively looking, and I will find one, and we will be self sufficient. This aid is just to hold us over and make sure my son is fed and diapered until I can make those things happen. IT WILL GET BETTER. I no longer talk to the people who caused me drama in my life. Hopefully things will start to look better.

I am going to get myself back into therapy. I can't really hold down a job without my medication, but once I get it, I should be fine. It doesn't help that I've been dealing with a depression so bad that I have thought of suicide. Only once in the month of November, which is an accomplishment for me. That's something I'll address in therapy. So far I've only thought about it, but with my son, I can't even think about it. That's why I'm blogging again. No one really ever reads my stuff, not really. So I can get away with writing pretty much whatever I want.

I have a lot I need to get done today. Put laundry away and dust the bedroom, help Mom clean the dining room, do pies and stuffing prep for tomorrow. I should probably get off the computer and get to it, huh?